What? I thought I was going to be able to avoid the career path thingy. I'm a writer--I don't have time or the inclination to have a career. Sure, I can have part time jobs here and there to feed myself while I focus on being artful and superior, or something like that. I have lofty aspirations, but aspirations don't put food on the table.
I'm not quite as leery of the word “professional” as I was at seventeen contemplating a college major. Professional Writing or Journalism? I could have been a journalist, but I was too selfish, too principled, wanting to focus on my own projects.
After I graduated, I enjoyed myself and drank lots of beer instead of writing. Then I went to graduate school at SMU in Dallas. I threw myself into my manuscripts there, cranked out several short stories, but ever since, they, and my novel have been safely tucked in a drawer ever since.
Next I had a husband who was able to support me, but I couldn't live up to the hours of writing I wanted to accomplish everyday. I was a perfectionist. I beat myself up. I couldn't get anything done. Plus, my marriage was failing. Isn't misery supposed to make us better writers? I thought I'd try it and see. I led myself right down into The Funk.
Ever been there? It's a warm, sugary sweet, soothing place reserved for only the best self-pity. It's where, over and over, I found myself in the deliciously precarious position of holding my twitching finger over the mouse button to click “Yes” to “Are you sure you want to empty the trash?” which held my entire “Writing” folder.
Three years, two moves, and a divorce later, I've decided to really go for it this time. I've set out to create my own path to success.
Writing is a real job, too, I've discovered. “Real,” like, I have to get up everyday before noon and face my brain.
Success doesn't mean I need to be famous. Success means I accept life and its blows with grace, that I follow through, that I make an effort to use God's gifts. They're not gifts until I accept them and try to use them.
About Me
- Tara Smith
- I am a published poet, living in the foothills of the Sierra Nevadas in northern California. I have 5 step-children, 3 cats, 2 dogs, 2 chickens, and 1 husband.
1 comments:
Ah yes, all these posts are familiar. Perfection, organization, accomplishment. I've accomplished a lot. Afer all, I'm an MA, a CPRP, a Chief Operating Officer, the Immediate Past President of the Hawaii Psychosocial Rehabilitation Association, an Adjunct Instructor in Philosophy/Ethics at Chaminade University, and on the National Subud Committee, and other stuff. RIGHT. Sounds good, but really I'm just like anyone else with a perfectionist/OCD mentality...disorganized and not really satisfied with it. I'm glad to hear you were able to let go enough, and just pull out one photo from beneath your bed and paste it in. That's a huge accomplishment. I'm looking forward to that kind of accomplishment, myself. Someday when I have time. (That's a joke)
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